we are learning about making made up things and I made jaguar shark it is a shark mix with a jaguar
One day I went to a jungle Safari and we took a plane there we got a map and we went to the bus. So the bus took us to the Safari and it smelled like monkey poo and birds. when we're were halfway we saw a endangered Jaguar shark they harmless to humans but if you are annoying to them he will attack you and someone was yelling hey dum Jaguar shark you can’t get me.Then the Jaguar shark attack I got off before they could get me but they just went for the annoying kid but one of the Jaguar shark came for me but he was young one so they didn’t eat me but it still followed me so ran around the jungle but then I got lost. But I had a Jaguar shark with me so that was good. But I am lost and there is an earthquake coming and the other Jaguar shark are looking for me to eat. So I went to the tree when I got to a tree I got on my Jaguar shark and he climb the tree fast when me and my Jaguar shark got to the top the tree was going down from the earthquake and I saw the Jaguar sharks so I was thinking on what to do then I got my Jaguar shark and jump and I landed in some water then the the made a ravine and I couldn't go back so went on running with my Jaguar shark all of the other Jaguar sharks were coming so I got onto my Jaguar shark and we went faster and we were nearly out of the jungle and back home.
Kia ora Archer,
ReplyDeleteI really like how your story took place in a Safari and that's where you saw the jaguar shark. When I was reading your writing I noticed there were a couple of errors. If it would help, you can always share your writing with me and I can help you edit your work. Also, make sure you use speech mark (" ") when someone is talking in your story, for example: ... and someone was yelling, "hey dumb jaguar shark, you can't get me!".
I also noticed you had used 'But' a few times as your sentence starter, remember it is important to not always start a sentence with the same word otherwise it becomes repetitive.